Monday, May 11, 2009

mother's day?

happy day after mother's day...
i have to be honest... i would rather celebrate it a day or so later... it makes it not as difficult...
let me explain...
i love my mom! and i am so thrilled that she is living with kevin and i! we love having her here! and for the last 30ish years of my life, mother's day has always been about her and how lucky i am to have her in my life!
but the last few years have been a bit different.
kevin and i can't have children. and for the most part i have come to peace and acceptance with this knowledge. but some days... it is not very easy.
mother's day is one of those days.
i want to share a post from my friend, maryruth... (who by the way, celebrated her first mother's day this year! wahoo! ) ...she totally voiced some of my very thoughts in this...

"... I won't lie... I've hated Mother's Day for the past 9-ish years... and I have a fabulous Mother... but the day was a reminder of everything that I couldn't have. Motherhood... something I'd wanted to and planned on my whole life. And to sit on the bench at church every Mother's day and listen to talk after talk about Motherhood and how it was our destiny and our greatest joy. And then to hear the children sing songs to their mothers. It got to be too much. I just couldn't handle it anymore. So about 6-ish years ago I stopped going to Church on Mother's Day... which is so not me... But I just couldn't do it anymore. I wasn't trying to make a statement. It was just the only way I could deal with things. ... "

i have to say... i echo these thoughts! i have a hard time going to church on mother's day... this year i had to work a graveyard shift on saturday night going into sunday... but i don't know that i would have gone, even if i hadn't worked...

this year was fabulous though! the day was celebrated with close friends and family! a very good way to help me remember what i should be celebrating...

maryruth goes on to say...

" ... There are so many wonderful women who deserve to celebrate today. ... that there are so many great, wonderful women in the history of the world who were never "mothers" in the traditional sense. One of my favorite examples in Mother Teresa She changed the world with her goodness and kindness and yet do we dismiss her because never had a child of her own?
So while I think its absolutely important to celebrate Motherhood (and I hope nobody feels like I'm diminishing that)...and I'm sooo grateful for the amazingly wonderful Mother that I have... and the mother that I hope to be... I also think it so important to celebrate Womanhood. Because really one woman can change the world. Happy Womanhood day."

i want to be like this... able to look past the hurt and tears...

i know that i will... it will just take some time. i have always known that i will be the best "aunt" ever! my friends kids will be super spoiled! :)

all in all, i am doing great. and i really feel at peace with this path i have been given... just everynow and again i feel this sadness...

no worries! i look forward to the future and what new adventures it holds!

9 comments:

MaryRuth said...

I looove you so much. You are a great wonderful woman and the world is such a better place because you are in it and I'm a much better person because I get to know you.

Love you Jennie Little!

Amber Bradley said...

I am so glad that you posted that. I think a lot of us forget about others in your shoes. I needed to hear that. I am so sorry! I have other good friends who are in your shoes and it is hard for me to watch. I know that from a family who celebrates it for all of us girls, that it is a day to celebrate all that we as women do. Not just for our kids, but together we are all raising a new generation, new leaders who will serve in the world and the church. I am so thankful to all the women who impact my little kids. The ones who babysit, teach love and help nurture my Children. We were sent here to do it together. It is a community that rises a child and you are included in that. You are amazing and I know that all the little people you come in contact with you can benefit from your love and love for life! So, to you Happy Mother's day! It is a celebration of all women and the Motherly things we do! PS The Young Women that you serve is a wonderful example. My Young Women leader is still like a mom to me! You can come play with my kids anytime!!!

Joe + Katie said...

I don't think most people get how tough that day really is. I stopped going to church a few years back on Mothers day for that same reason. I don't want to sit and cry and take ways the joy of others around me, so it is easier just not to go. I thought about you on Sunday too. Your blog was beautifully put, you are an amazing example to me.

marcia@joyismygoal said...

Jennie, that was a heartfelt open post - I have a couple of other friends in your shoes as well and I am so grateful for their friendship and outlook on life. Life holds adventure for us all in different ways. It is up to us to embrace what we have and try not to let yearning for what we don't have, over - shadow our lives --Thanks for sharing that same sentiment better than I just did:)

Our Family said...

Jennie, How much more amazing could you be. Once agian you find the good in this situation. Your a wonderful women. I look up to you. You have impacted so many people. I have walked in you shoes, and felt the same way. I would sit and bawl my eyes out during this day, instead of looking for the wonderful women that have changed my life. Nobody, but the Lord will know of the inner pain this causes for women to go through this. I think there is more to come from all of this than we can put our finger on at this time. I do know how much you love your mom and others children and you are such a wonderful person in many peoples lifes. Thank you for that. Thank you for your openness in your post it was well done. I am with you. Happy Womanhood day.

JaNae and Dan said...

Jennie, I would have to echo the comments and dislike of Mother's Day for more years than I care to admit. I've managed to put on a somewhat happy face that day but it's still tough. And still tough even now that I'm finally married. Someday we'll all have a better grasp, understanding and comfort in it, but I suspect I'll be 6 feet under before I truly and fully understand.

Brunabug said...

Jennie, I am so glad that I have found you through MaryRuth's Blog. I also understand how you feel. I was there with you and dreaded Mother's Day because of the same reasons. I think you are an amazing person and the fact that you find joy in every moment (good and the bad) is so amazing. I wish that I could hang out with you sometime. You just seem like such a positive person. I need to hang out with more postive people. Keep your chin up, and remember that Heavenly Father loves you no matter what.
:)

Barbi Mecham said...

I love you.

michellejohnnie said...

My heart aches for you and people in your situation. There are no words to describe how unfair I believe life is sometimes. I'm sorry!